one for the Grooms
A few years ago, I went to a wedding (I was a guest, not a celebrant), and before the ceremony, I asked the groom how he was feeling, if he was excited, and he just shrugged and said, "It's not really my day, is it? I will just be happy when it's done and I can have a drink." He meant it as a joke, but it has always stuck with me.
In contrast, at the last wedding I attended, the groom was excited. The planning, the ceremony, and the party were a joint effort; it was all about them as a couple. The groom had his input stamped all over it, from the venue to the food choices. I knew he had a hand in it all. This was a joint venture. Whether it's a bride and groom, two grooms, or two brides, it should be both of you planning it and both of you enjoying your day because, in the end, a wedding is about you two!!!
When most people picture wedding planning, they imagine the bride surrounded by mood boards, swatches, and sparkling Pinterest inspiration. But here’s the truth: grooms are just as important, not just on the day, but in every stage leading up to it. A wedding is about two people, two stories, and two sets of dreams coming together. Leaving the groom out of the process is like telling half the story.
Your wedding is a celebration of your personalities, values, and love story. From choosing the venue to selecting readings, music, and rituals, a groom’s voice helps shape a day that reflects you as a couple, not just one person’s vision. Planning a wedding can be a crash course in teamwork. Discussing budgets, guest lists, and priorities together can set the tone for how you’ll navigate future milestones as a married couple.
Grooms often bring different ideas, traditions, or styles to the table—things the other partner might never have thought of. When writing the ceremony, a celebrant can weave in anecdotes, memories, and contributions from both partners. This ensures the groom’s journey, personality, and feelings are front and centre. Maybe he has a favourite band for the reception, a meaningful location for the ceremony, or a creative way to include family. Many grooms I speak to feel like they shouldn’t get involved because, traditionally, the bride “has a vision,” but if I ask the bride, nine times out of ten, she wants help. They don’t want to make all the decisions; they want the groom to take ownership. They just don’t know how to ask… so just ask.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking the groom simply “shows up in a suit” on the day. But in reality, his role is crucial: and talking of the suit… grooms, you can go wild, you can have the suit, shirt, hat or even robe of your dreams, it’s your wedding too.
On the day, the groom can feel a bit lost while the bride is having her makeup and hair done. The groom might feel a bit of a spare part, so instead of leaving him at the bar, this is when they need a role. (Father of the bride and groom often need jobs too!) So ask them to take an active role in welcoming people, helping them feel relaxed and appreciated. Make sure everyone is seated, has confetti, toasts, etc.
As celebrants, we often find jobs for stray or lost-looking men to do on the day. I often attend low-key, festival-type weddings, so a ball of string and a pair of scissors come in handy, and I’ll ask any lost-looking man to tie up flowers or bales of hay!
A groom can often feel overlooked and left out on the big day, but a good celebrant makes sure the ceremony honours both people equally. This might mean adjusting the staging, timing, or even the way introductions are made so each partner shines. A wedding is a joint celebration, not a solo act. Grooms matter — in the planning, in the ceremony, and in the memories that follow. When celebrants encourage and support both partners equally, the result is a wedding that truly tells your love story — from both sides.