Wedding speeches dos and don’ts

Ah, wedding speeches, the emotional rollercoaster where heartwarming sentiment meets mild public panic and the occasional rogue inside joke that really didn’t need a microphone. Whether you’re the best man, maid of honour, or the father of the bride, here’s your guide to doing it right (and avoiding becoming a viral YouTube cautionary tale).

Begin with a warm “hello” and a thank-you. Keep it brief, this isn’t an Oscar acceptance speech. Simply recognise the couple, the guests, and perhaps the guests who have travelled far and the open bar!!

Share a charming or amusing memory that shows the couple’s character. Don’t feel pressure to make it funny; you’re not a stand-up at the Edinburgh Fringe. If your story ends with “...and that’s how Dave wound up banned from Nandos,” maybe rethink it.

Show the couple as a pair. Mention how happy the couple are, how well they suit each other, or how their relationship has clearly made one of them kind of person who willingly folds laundry.

Think: charming chuckle, not a stand-up routine. And for the emotional part, aim for “touching toast,” not “ugly cry into the microphone.”

End with a clear, simple, celebratory toast. Raise your glass. Keep your eyes kind. Conclude your speech. Nailed it.

What Not to Include (You’d Think These Are Obvious… and Yet)

❌ Inside jokes no one else will understand If it starts with “You had to be there,” stop. They weren’t there.

❌ Exes, Just no. Absolutely not. Even if it’s a “funny story.” The only funny part will be guests trying to disappear into their chairs.

❌ Embarrassing childhood stories that involve bodily fluids,If the couple blushes or their parents faint, you went too far.

❌ Rants, roasts, or therapy sessions,Save that for brunch with your group chat.

❌ The speech equivalent of reading a Wikipedia article, No long life histories. Everyone wants dinner.

Typically, speeches take place during the wedding breakfast, after the first course, or just before dessert (bribery works). However, they don't have to be scheduled at these times; more couples are opting to have speeches during the ceremony, especially if they want them short and sweet. With a celebrant-led wedding, you can incorporate the speeches into the ceremony, and as guests are allowed a drink at a celebrant-led wedding, you can have the toast speeches then. Afterwards, everyone can relax, and the flow of your wedding isn't interrupted by nervous, boring speeches.

How Long Should Wedding Speeches Be?

Short answer: 5 minutes.
Long answer: Definitely no more than 7.
If your speech is drifting toward 10 minutes, congratulations, you’ve written a TED Talk. Trim it.

Who Can Give a Speech?

Traditionally: Best Man/ Maid of Honour/ Matron of Honour/ Parents of the Couple/ The Couple Themselves (cute!) but Modern weddings are more flexible. Want your university roommate, grandparent, or very responsible cousin to say something? Go ahead.

Want fewer speeches because you prefer food over monologues? That’s perfectly fine.

The only rule: select people who will be kind, brief, sober (or convincingly pretending), and genuinely happy for the couple.

A great wedding speech is straightforward: warm, humorous, sincere, and brief enough to prevent guests from eyeing the pudding. Maintain the love up, the awkwardness down, and you’ll be celebrated, embraced, and maybe even asked to mentor future speakers.

Cheers to that! 🥂