If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Rings ????

I attended a wedding last year where the grooms were tattooed during the reception instead of having traditional gold rings. This raised some questions among the more traditional members of the congregation. “Are they legally married without rings?”…..” Why wouldn’t they want beautiful gold rings?”…. One person even said that if they split up, “they would have permanent tattoos.” I think they missed the point; a marriage is for life. Who says romance is dead?!!!!

But it got me thinking about the reasons we have wedding and engagement rings, and whether it’s okay if you don’t want to wear one. The simple answer is, …… of course, it is. It’s your wedding; you can have what you want.

Wedding rings are traditionally worn on the ring finger of the left hand and serve as a symbol of commitment, love, and the enduring cycle of life. They represent the promises made during the wedding ceremony and act as a constant reminder of the couple's love and dedication to one another. The earliest known rings were exchanged by the ancient Egyptians, often crafted from braided reeds or hemp. The circular shape symbolised eternity and the endless nature of love.

The Romans adopted the tradition of exchanging rings, often using iron and copper, and by the 2nd century, gold rings had become more prevalent. A wedding ring visibly signifies a married couple's commitment to each other and to their relationship. It serves as a daily reminder of the promises made during the wedding ceremony, including the vow to love, respect, and cherish one another throughout their lives. The endless circle of the ring symbolises the enduring nature of love and the couple's commitment to each other. Wearing a wedding ring is a means of publicly declaring one's marital status and showing respect for one's spouse. The placement of the ring on the third finger of the left hand originates from the ancient Egyptians, who believed there was a vein that ran directly from this finger to the heart.

There is no mention of a wedding ring in any religious text, so these traditions arise from social customs rather than religious ones. Thus, like wearing white or a veil, having a first dance or cutting the cake, they are social practices and not legal requirements.

But can you have a ceremony without rings? Of course, you can. At a celebrant-led wedding, we encourage you to do as you wish. So, if you choose not to wear rings, you could have a hand fasting ritual or exchange your vows without the rings. We can create any script to accommodate your desires.

What about engagement rings?

 In the past, engagement rings were sometimes seen as a guarantee of fulfilling a promise to marry. This was similar to the handfasting ritual. A couple could only be married by a preacher, and if you lived remotely, they would only visit your village every couple of months, so a ring was a symbol of commitment to marry. In medieval times, a few months was a long time to wait!!!

In some cultures, the exchange of rings was part of a larger exchange of gifts or property, reflecting the bride's family's loss and potential compensation. Rings were also binding, so breach of promise to marry once existed, allowing women to sue men for failing to fulfil their promise.

Today, engagement rings are primarily seen as a symbol of love, devotion, and the commitment to a future together

The popularity of diamond engagement rings was also fueled by effective marketing campaigns, such as De Beers' "A Diamond is Forever" slogan, which solidified the idea of diamonds as a symbol of eternal commitment. While diamond engagement rings are now a common tradition, it's important to remember that other gemstones and styles of rings were also popular in the past so if you want a moonstone engagement ring … have one

The idea that an engagement ring should cost two or three months' salary is a marketing myth perpetuated again by diamond companies like De Beers. (They had some good marketing ideas!!) This notion, popularised in the 1930s and 1980s, has been instrumental in increasing diamond sales, but it's not a reflection of actual engagement ring costs or spending habits… so don’t put pressure on each other. If you want a simple silver ring, then have one; it's your ring, your finger, your marriage, your choice.

 So here are some modern alternative ideas to engagement and wedding rings:

Tattoos – If you’re into body art, an engagement tattoo combines your lives.

Handfasting – Usually performed at a wedding ceremony, but can be a symbolic gesture the two of you could do at an engagement.

Handwritten letter – A handwritten letter can help you communicate just how strongly you feel about your partner, which you can give to them during the proposal.

Journal – Similar to a letter, a journal is something you write over time and shows how your love has grown. Another idea is a book of promises, which is a book filled with the promises you’re making to your loved one and how you intend to keep them.

Wedding fund contribution – Instead of an engagement ring (which can be expensive), agree to put that money into the start of your wedding fund. Or, why not donate to your partner’s favourite charity?

Custom artwork – This could be anything from a watercolour painting to a pencil drawing, either by yourself or an artist you both admire.

Plant a tree – What better symbol to start your commitment together than by planting a tree the two of you can watch grow for decades to come?

Keepsake box – Choose a box the two of you can fill with memories.

Proposal video – A video of your memories that ends with you popping the question.

Celebrity video – Websites such as Cameo allow you to ask celebrities to record a personalised video message, which makes for a unique and exciting way to involve your partner’s favourite actor or musician in your proposal.

So if you wanted to propose with a handwoven hemp bracelet or a £3000 solitaire diamond, the choice is yours. Just make sure you get it right; if your bride is expecting a proposal with a princess cut ring on a beach in Barbados, she may not be happy with a handwoven bracelet and a picnic in a forest….!!!!