Is it ok to laugh at a funeral & cry at a wedding?

Is it okay to laugh at a funeral and cry at a wedding?

I was working with a lovely family last week, creating a funeral service for their loved one, when a family member said, "You can't tell that story, everybody will fall about laughing, and you can't laugh at a funeral”… Why not?"

 A celebrant's job is to create a ceremony that tells a life story, whether it’s a couple's story at a wedding or a person's life story at a funeral. The process is the same. We listen to people tell their stories; a celebrant ceremony is a chance to say to friends and family what you all mean to each other.

At a wedding, I love involving the congregation, asking the couple for stories about how their friends and family are part of their narrative. Most of these will be light hearted and funny; Weddings are a great place for a laugh, and a funny, relaxed, inclusive ceremony will set the tone for your wedding. People will feel included in your love story.

At a wedding I attended a few years ago, the groom told me a story about how he was so nervous on his first date with his soon-to-be husband that he drank a little too much and got quite drunk, quite quickly. He had the bright idea to phone his friends to come and rescue him because he was in no fit state to be on a date, so they came and helped him escape out of a bathroom window! This was not the best-thought-out plan, and the groom got stuck in the window and had to be freed by the fire service. I will never know how they survived this first date but they did, and they are still happily married. I made the guilty friends show themselves during the ceremony, telling everyone not to ask them for help if they got too drunk later on at the wedding. This story had everyone rolling about laughing; it was a perfect anecdote to tell at this laid-back wedding.

But is it okay to tell stories like that at a funeral? As your celebrant, I would say yes. If your loved one led a vibrant, fun-filled life, then you should tell the world that this was who they were, tell those funny stories, and allow their life to be celebrated.

I have also been to a wedding where we cried. It was a beautiful ceremony, and although we all cried, we left that ceremony with love and warmth in our hearts.

The bride had faced a lot of trauma in her life, and her wedding felt like a new start, a beginning, and the ceremony was more intimate and less raucous. Yes, we all cried; it was tears of joy. Telling a story about drunken antics to get a laugh would not have been appropriate at this particular wedding.

When someone dies, we are sad, angry, upset, and can sometimes feel alone; in fact, we often don’t know how we feel. A funeral should allow you to remember the life of your loved one rather than their death, so trust your celebrant. They will listen to you, take the stories you tell, and create a ceremony that allows you to reflect, think, cry, and laugh. They should take you on a journey and enable you to remember your loved one warmly. And yes, it is okay to laugh.

Not every ceremony is the same; some weddings are quiet, intimate ceremonies, some are riotous giggles, and funerals are the same. Some are quiet, reflective ceremonies, but some will have laughter in them.

Allow your celebrant to bring out the true character of your loved one, and if appropriate, you can laugh at a funeral and cry at a wedding.